Coconuts will make you go bananas. Orange you glad I tried this first?

In case you’re considering my coconut oil treatment, here’s a step-by-step guide.  Follow it exactly.

  1. You should start with hair.  Not just regular hair – hair that has undergone some trauma; hair for which you have some empathy.  You should start with hair that needs to be put out of its misery.
  1. Find yourself some coconut oil – a whole jar, if possible.
  1. Do your research.  You don’t want to jump into this willy nilly.  Make sure you find out how you should put it on your hair.  DO NOT read about how to wash it out!  Not only is this immaterial, but it eliminates much of the process.
  1. Go to work.  Take a whole hunk of coco wax – as much as you can – and rub it into your hair.  When it starts to get sticky and the little man in your brain asks, “How are we going to get this out?” take a cavalier attitude.  After all, there were all those success stories on the internet – what could go wrong?
  1. Wrap your hair in a shower cap and leave it on for 15 minutes.
  1. Attempt to wash the coconut out of your hair using a vinegar rinse.  Scrub your hair.  Scrub more.  Turn the water hotter.  Scrub more.  Turn the water hotter.  Scrub more.  Turn the water cooler.  Scrub more.
  1. Get out of the shower and find a comb.  The water will be beading up on your hair like you’ve got Turtle Wax on it – this is how you know the coconut oil worked. Comb through.
  1. Get back in the shower.  Comb.  Turn the water hotter.  Scrub.  Comb.  Squeeze excess water out of your hair.  Scrub.  Comb.  Turn the water hotter.
  1. When hot water runs out, get out of the shower and try to dry your hair.  Use a hair dryer for, say, 15 minutes.  Your hair will still look wet.  This means the oil worked.
  1. Cancel any plans you had for the evening with your friends, because your hair looks like a McDonald’s French fry.
  1. Wash your hair with 1 part vinegar, 4 parts water.
  1. Wash your hair with 1 part BS, 3 parts water.
  1. Add more BS.  Rinse.
  1. Repeat step 13.
  1. Wash your hair with peppermint tea.
  1. Celebrate because you think you got the coconut oil out.
  1. Dry and realize you didn’t get the coconut oil out.
  1. Repeat steps 11 – 17 until midnight.  Then head to bed.  Put a towel over your pillow – you will smell like vinegar and look like you have the hair of a wax figure.
  1. Wake up and put BS/Corn Starch on your hair.  If you still see oil, add more.  Continue until both boxes are empty.  Cover your hair with a shower cap, then add heat with a hair dryer.  (By this time you will have read online that heat will turn your coco oil back to a liquid, which you hope will allow it to be soaked up by your BS/CS).
  1. Pose for a photo with your shower cap and hair dryer, so your mother can show off your hair care cleverness to the rest of the family.
  1. Cancel any Saturday plans you may have had; you’ll need the rest of the day to finish your moisture treatment.
  1. Repeat steps 11 – 17 until 2pm. 
  1. At this point, your hot water will have run out again.  Boil water – you can’t stop now; the treatment is just beginning to work.
  1. Wash your hair with equal parts of water and lemon juice.
  1. Wash your hair with varying parts of vinegar.
  1. Change sinks because someone needs to take a shower.
  1. Repeat steps 23 – 25.
  1. Celebrate because you think you got the coconut oil out.
  1. Find out where your father keeps the industrial strength white vinegar he uses to clean up the garage.  Wash your hair with equal parts WV and water.
  1. Increase the amount of white vinegar and wash again.
  1. Repeat step 30 five times, or until you’re washing with straight vinegar.
  1. Celebrate because you think you got the coconut oil out.
  1. At 5pm, go to church confidently.  After your hair “dries” during church, realize that the coconut oil is still working on your hair, and you look like you just stepped out of a swamp.
  1. Cancel plans you had for the rest of your Saturday evening.
  1. Break down and put conditioner on your “dry” hair.  Wrap it up in a towel and leave on for 15 minutes.  Rinse.
  1. Celebrate because you think you got the coconut oil out.
  1. Repeat steps 35 – 36.
  1. On Sunday, carry on with your plans if they allow you to wear a hat.  If not, cancel.
  1. Break down and put a clarifying treatment on your hair.
  1. Let your hair dry.
  1. CELEBRATE BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY GOT THE COCONUT OIL OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

This is how I got the treatment to work the best for me; of course, everyone is different!  But I would advise you NOT to skip a step.  I’ve heard that if you don’t follow the instructions exactly, something might go wrong, and you could have coconut oil stuck in your hair.  I’m not sure what that’s like, but I can’t imagine it’s pretty.

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8 thoughts on “Coconuts will make you go bananas. Orange you glad I tried this first?

  1. I’m sure glad you tired it first, not that I was thinking about doing it but who knew it would be that hard to get the coconut oil out of your hair. The only thing that I know of that gets oil out is Lestoil, I would have suggested that but I’m sure that has tons of chemicals in and it’s pretty stinky. Anyway, your hair looked lovely today!! And, you looked happy too!

    • Definitely glad I used a clarifying treatment before trying Lestoil…doesn’t sound appetizing! Haha Now I’ve got yet another shampoo recipe up my sleeve, and hopefully this one will keep the grease at bay!! So I’m excited to hear your reviews of my hair at work next week!!

  2. You could actually open up a hair care rehab facility where people go for extended periods of time for intensive hair care treatments. You know, like going away to drug rehab where you live there until you’re cured, only this would be for hair. Also, you can incorporate the many other “non hair related” benefits of coco oil in the “rehab stay”, so don’t give up on it. Altho we’ve been told for a long time it’s bad for you to eat, I don’t believe it!

    • I agree – I think coconut oil has a LOT of benefits….but I won’t be putting it on my hair again any time soon. As far as opening up a rehab facility – I think I need to go in one myself. Either that, or someone should (or soon will) admit me!

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