If my clarifying treatmentcame as a shock to you, you might want to sit down for this one. What I have to say will put you through disillusionment, the likes of which you haven’t seen since Taylor Swift broke up with Twilight Guy. (And I totally thought they were going to last forever.)
Here goes. I’ve been using shampoo. I know – it’s terrible. The affair has been going on for three days now, but I swear I’m going to stop. I just needed a fix. Literally though – I needed a fix for a very bad and very untimely hair issue.
It all started Monday night. Since the coconut oil fiasco of last weekend, I’ve been searching for a more suitable moisture treatment. My friend Sanata tipped me off to the idea that I could be causing my own grease problems by using drying agents like BS and vinegar on my hair. It certainly makes sense to me: by drying my hair out so much, I was actually encouraging my scalp to overcompensate for the oils it was losing through my new shampoo regimen. And what was I gaining? A WD-40-grade hair slick.
Sanata suggested a few moisturizers, including honey, aloe and coconut milk. I started adding honey to my tea rinses, and it worked but just wasn’t enough of a boost for my lifeless, dry hair. I researched a coconut milk hair moisturizer, and on Monday night I applied it, following with a normal vinegar/tea rinse.
Here’s the part where I have the bad and untimely hair issue. While the coconut milk left my hair quite soft, it seems that vinegar and tea aren’t sufficient cleansers. (Important note: I like to leave the house by 7:50AM to be at work on time.)
- 7:10AM – Tuesday morning dawns on a frustratingly greasy matted rat’s nest.
- 7:15AM – Seeing no way out of my own mess and hearing the clock tick away minutes that I had not allotted for such a setback (yes, after nearly 3 weeks of this, you would certainly think I would have learned to set aside time for finicky hair by now), I jump into the shower for another vinegar/tea rinse.
- 7:25AM – I throw on clothes and makeup with my hair still wrangled into a towel.
- 7:35AM – I run a dryer over my hair and find it slightly improved, but nowhere near presentable (obviously coconut milk should be washed out, not simply rinsed, but as rinsing is all I’m afforded by No ‘Poo regulations, I’m on the ropes again).
- 7:45AM – I fight a losing battle with dry shampoo for about 10 minutes (dab, dab, brush, dab, dab, brush) until it becomes glaringly apparent that my hair is a lost cause.
- 7:55AM – I heave my head under the bathtub faucet.
- 7:56AM – I hurl three pumps of TRESemmé onto my head and lather.
- 7:57AM – I take a moment to revel in the lather. Just a moment, though – I’m very late and quite rushed at this point, remember.
- 7:58AM – I throw one more pump on. If I’m breaking up with BS and vinegar, I may as well make it worth it.
The next half hour saw an incredibly frazzled (but incredibly clean!) Me run out the door, speed down the road and melt down pitifully in the Volvo. “I can’t handle this – I can’t keep this up! I’m only one person! This is literally going to kill me. Not to mention, my hair is my pride and joy – my redeeming feature! I need a cleaning agent – I need a soap – a – a – something…something.”
Thank goodness I don’t carpool. That could have been an awkward ride.