People won’t talk to you if you have chapped lips

If you’re paying too much for chapstick, you should stop buying chapstick.  But how do you know if you are paying too much for chapstick?  Let me put it this way: If you’re buying chapstick from a store, you’re paying too much.

“My lips hurt real bad!”

“Ok,” you’re thinking.  “So I stop buying chapstick from the store.  Now my lips hurt real bad.  Thanks a lot, MNM.”

Well, guess what, Little Maids?  MNM has a natural solution for that!

I’m one of those people who has chapstick in every orifice of her life: in my purse, in my desk, in my glove compartment, in my backpack, in my jacket pockets.  Trust me, you do not want to be on my contact list when I’ve forgotten my chapstick somewhere, because I’ll be on the phone quicker than Napoleon Dynamite.  I’ve gotten birthday gifts that consisted solely of Burt’s Bees in varying flavors.  I love chapstick.  And my lips settle for nothing less than the best.

I’m fairly certain that homemade chapstick, had it been as difficult to master as – say – shampoo, could have been MNM’s Waterloo.  I can deal with sweaty pits, greasy hair and oily lotion, and I’ll laugh in the face of set-in sweat stains, but you cannot ask me to live without chapstick.  That is something that affects my daily life, people, and I will not settle for sub-par lip balm.  Talk about an obstacle – that’s a hardship the size of the Great Wall of China.

Fortunately, with just five ingredients and about 15 minutes, you can whip yourself up some homemade lip balm that’s all-natural, moisturizing and much cheaper than store-bought. I was so surprised at these per-ounce prices, that I had to quadruple-check my math this time.

Kiss away!

Store-bought:

  • Burt’s Bees Lip Balm (0.15 oz): $2.97
  • TOTAL (0.15 oz): $2.97 
  • PER OZ: $19.80/oz

Homemade:

  • Beeswax (16 oz): $9
  • Coconut Oil (16 oz): $12.19
  • Olive Oil (16 oz): $5.44
  • Beets (16oz): $2
  • TOTAL (64 oz): $28.63
  • PER OZ: $0.45/oz

Once again, I know what you’re thinking: “Am I really supposed to take advice on homemade lip balm from this crack pot who brushes her teeth with baking soda?”

Well, I’m proud to say that after shoving this recipe literally in the faces of 14 of my family members at a cookout this weekend, my lip balm got rave reviews all-around.  My cousin Samantha even took a helping home with her!

At first I considered the possibility that they were all just being nice, but then I remembered: It’s my family – they have to tell me the truth.  After all, everyone has been so honest about my deodorant experiment.  Like, there was that time last week when I rode home from my brother’s graduation lashed to the bed of my cousin’s pick-up truck.  There’s honesty for you.

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4 thoughts on “People won’t talk to you if you have chapped lips

  1. Ohhh – that vision of you flying up 83 in the bed of Uncle Stepen’s truck – pits airing out for all to see – will be one I commit to memory from Brother’s graduation – right up there with all the cap and gown photos!!! Reminds me of Ellie when she lies on her back in front of an open window “airing out” her belly for all the world to see. That must have been such a “freeing experience!!!”

  2. Places I have found the Maid’s chapstick: under the seat in my car, in the storage compartment of the tractor, in the pocket of one of my coats, in the church pew, and I’m sure there was one found in the washing machine at one time or another, but you’ll have to confirm that with another Maid devotee. BTW – your balm is very nice!

  3. MNM – your lip balm is the BEST! And at $0.45/oz, I am saving my containers for you to fill – so start cooking!
    I too have found chapstick in some pretty remote locations (thanks to cousin Sammy) but I doubt she will be leaving this successful concoction anywhere but on her lips!

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