At the moment Mother Nature’s Maid is typing with just two fingers, attempting to keep a light-orange oil mixture that is congealing on my nails off of my keyboard. I’m not succeeding. My shift key is shiny with oil.
The light orange substance is supposed to be nail polish, but in most circles, it would be considered nothing of the sort. For one thing, I’ve always heard that nail polish dries. I’ve had this substance on my nails for more than half an hour, and it’s about as close to drying as I am to getting married. In other words: I’ll probably be dead before it dries.
To be quite honest, MNM is nonplussed at the moment. And I mean that in both senses of the word: The correct and incorrect sense. In the correct sense of the word, I am completely confused about what is going on on top of my nails right now. They’re shiny and they have a color on them (even if it is somewhat ugly), but the polish is just collecting dog hair like a fly trap. It is not soaking in, and it is not drying. If this is nail polish, then it’s the nail polish from hell. “Oh you want to paint your nails for the prom? Here – put this on then don’t touch anything for…the entire night.”
MNM is also nonplussed in the incorrect sense of the word – I am unimpressed with this nail polish product. When I read this recipe on Girlishh, I actually didn’t have much hope. But then as I cooked and applied, hope sprung anew. The substance spread nicely and actually had color, even though I substituted paprika for the recommended alkanet root (I mean, really, who has heard of alkanet? And while the old MNM would have gone to the ends of the earth to find the root, the new MNM doesn’t like to spend money and decides to make do with what she has.)
- 3 tbsp olive oil
- 2 tsp paprika
- 1/4tsp beeswax
- 2 drops Vitamin E oil
So here I sit. Will this eventually dry? Will it stain my nails? Should I wait 10 more minutes? Should I just wipe it off and see what happens? What color will it be when it does whatever kindof “setting” it needs to do? Judging by what’s on my nails now…well I guess we could call it Orioles Orange. (No, too light.) Let’s call it Halloween Fun. (No, I think you need black and orange for Halloween colors.) Ok…let’s call it Ugly. Either way, MNM is still nonplussed…in both senses of the word.