The bad news is that I won’t end up marrying my one true love. The good news is that if I do get married, I won’t have to waste time pretending my husband is my one true love. Don’t you think that would get old after a while?
“But, MNM,” you say, “Don’t lose heart. Now that you’re using antiperspirants again, I’m sure your true love will find you.”
But I ask you: How will he find me when I’m not sporting my signature scent?
“Trust me, MNM,” you say, “You don’t want the guy who is attracted to your signature scent when your signature scent is body odor.”
Foiled again. But I suppose it really doesn’t matter, since I’m not going to end up with my one true love anyway. I know this, by the way, because of my Korean-inspired nail staining efforts of September 28.
Apparently nail polish is prohibited in Korean schools, so young girls dye their nails bright orange using an ancient method, which involves wrapping the fingernails in a paste made from봉숭아 (or Bongseonhwa flowers). According to legend, if a girl dyes her nails in the summer and the color remains until the first snowfall, then she will marry her true love. Voila. Unfortunately, my attempt did not work so well.
After my initial nail polish failure with a recipe I found on Girlishh, (a failure likely due to my switching ingredients), I resigned myself to the fact that I may have to “dye” my nails (for goodness knows how long) rather than simply “paint” them. After reading about the Korean tradition, I decided to try my hand (pun intended) at it. Trouble is, my local Walmart doesn’t carry봉숭아. Enter: Goldenrod.
I took it from my friend’s backyard, mashed it into a paste with some Coconut Oil, wrapped it on my nails with plastic, and slept the whole night with gloves on. I woke up in the morning to find…
Nothing. I don’t know what that means. Perhaps I will never meet my true love. Perhaps I don’t have a true love. Perhaps my true love will leave me for a brunette who wears deodorant. I can’t say for sure, but I think maybe I should start wearing deodorant…