Its not like you’re good grammer make’s you better then I

GrammarBots!

Alright, GrammarBots, I didn’t say anything when you defaced the “closed do to fire” sign at our local Sticks ‘N’ Stuff.  I didn’t say anything when you trashed the high school’s “charater counts” message.  I didn’t even raise a fuss when you insisted that the University of Maryland retract all letters sent to “ADDMITTED STUDENTS.”  But enough is enough.

Stop acting, like grammar is, “important” to our: language.  Lets-be-honest, grammar does’ not effect the way we communicate: and its not like anybodies’ ever misconstrued the meaning of a sentence, due to incorrect grammar.   If you ask me, alot of these “literary-types” – teachers and journalist’s “for” example – just use grammar two sabotage the rest of us.  But, teachers, its, not my fault your underpaid.  And journalists, its’ not my fault you’re profession is dead.  Wer’e all struggling right now; I know – my cable is out.

I think, its high-time we updated; our language too account “for” modern convenience, colloquial usage, and laziness.  English, is, incredibly, complicated – some say its the most, difficult language to-learn.  There are to many rules and to many exceptions.  Whose going too remember them all?  And this is the language being pushed as the “universal second language”?  This language that cant even, decide between that and which?  We should be thankful which French is also an official language of the Olympics otherwise noone would no what was going-on.

This is why Im proposing a complete overhaul, of the English-language.  12 Useless English Grammar Rules That Should Be Eliminated (because most of us seem to think they don’t exist anyway):

  1. The rule that “alot” is not a word.  Who’s would disagree with ‘this’?  Does it really, matter; weather I use a word which is made up as long as its easier?  Half of us already think “alot” is just another synonym for “a lot” anyway.
  2. The comma.  Its antiquated awkward and cumbersome and as such should become an optional piece of grammar.  There shouldn’t be a penalty for those of us who are lazy just don’t care or can’t remember right?
  3. The pronunciation of “loose.”  Who would, invent, a language where “loose” and “lose” are pronounced differently and have different meanings’s but are spelled so – similarly?  It would be easier to use them interchangeably, as most … of us already do.
  4. “Their” and “They’re.”  Who can keep “there,” “they’re,” “their” and all there: spellings apostrophes, and meanings straight?  Their needs to be one correct-spelling, and since no-one can spell “their” (“i” before “e” except after, what?), and apostrophe’s’ are so difficult, let’s just use: “there.”
  5. “Have” after “should,” “could,” and “would.”  My first instinct was that we should, except “should of,” “would of,” and “could of” as synonyms for “should have,” “would have,” and “could have.”  Than I thought, lets just make-it idiot … proof and, add “shoulda,” “coulda,” and “woulda” to the language.
  6. Possessive’s. The French have it right – no possessives’s, no worrie’s.  Nobody: get’s apostrophes’, and nobody gets’s possessive’s, so why force it?  We just have to, get used to a new sentence structure.  Examples: Are you going to the sleepover of Danielle tonight? Have you eaten at the Pizzeria Belonging to Tony?
  7. “Than.”  This one’s a no-brainer.  First of all, “than” is awkward.  Second, there’s’ just, no-way-to-tell when you should, use “than” and, when, you should use “then.”  Beside’s, if we eliminate “than,” would anyone really notice?
  8. The dangling apostrophe – God would of never named his son, Jesus, if he knew English language rule’s.  Is it Jesus’s sandals, Jesus’ sandals or Jesuses’ sandals?  I think, we all need some divine intervention, with the “s apostrophe.”  It seems, “like” a sophisticated rule, but using it somehow always makes you feel stupid.
  9. “Effect” and “affect.”  If interchanging these words, has such a negative; affect on the language, than Webster’s shouldn’t of made them so similar.  These should be replaced: by “aeffect” [pronunciation: however you want].
  10. “Its.”  If we’re eliminating possessives’ anyway, this one should be: the first to go.  It doesnt’ even fit the rules for possessive’s.  Its blatant sabotage, and is always confused with “it’s,” which is a riddle in itself.
  11. The meaning of “who’s” and “whose” (whatever that may be).  Under these: new-rules’, “who’s” should be used only, to mean “who is,” rather than acting as a possessive.  “Whose,” on the other, hand, should be used, to mean “belonging to” or “of whom,” rather than being just a second way to say “who is.”    
  12. The “e” and the apostrophe in you’re.  Is it, “your welcome” or “you’re welcome”?  Who could no?  And, why, should we, be expected to know?

I just don’t’ understand: why we should learn useless, ancient rules when … we can just, make things’ easier for ourselves.  Irregardless of how you feel about it, you can’t deny that, you probably could care less about good grammar.  So why not give this a try?  Its not like we have, anything to loose.

Read more of Rachel’s Weekly Ruminations

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6 thoughts on “Its not like you’re good grammer make’s you better then I

  1. So, very clever, and witty. One of you’re best RWR’s’ two date. You certainly hit the nail on the head with this one – and to grate affect I might add. I think alot of grammar errors are do to shear laziness – nobody cares’s anymore. And with texting (with all it’s brbs, cyas b4s and such) becoming the most widely used form of writing its’ sure to continue too get alot worse. Thanks for calling attention two something that we are all guilty of (or of which we are all guilty) or (that of which we all have guilt). Anyway I hope you opened some eyes with you’re blog entry – but I guess it will depend on whose paying attention.

  2. I agree with L&K M XO, much of the deteriorating grammar of today is due to laziness and lack of interest, but some of it is from not being schooled by the nuns! The School Sisters of Notre Dame had us diagramming sentences every single day. And of course, German teacher Brother Donatus always told us that learning another language immensely helps to better understand English grammar, especially German. MNM, finish this sentence, “Mark Twain said he’d rather decline a good drink than to …… “

  3. Salut mon coeur, I love you’re little excursion into modern grammar studie’s.
    One can hardly ignore the slight ironic and sarcastic undertone. There are many very similar developments in the German language too – one of the most arduous of the recent diseases seems to the German “Apostrophitis”.

  4. Got a kick out of this one but it was a bit tricky to follow with all the grammar liberties taken. “Alot” would be tops on my list of changes to make. One of my pet peeves is when people use “I” instead of “me”. For example…Do you want to go to the beach with Emily and I instead of Emily and me. Or when people use mines instead of my…is mines even a word! For example “John and mines relationship”. And when using quotation marks where does the period go anyway? And what about dots and dashes…

  5. I enjoyed this post alot. While it was entertaining,,, I don’t know if I agree with your sentiments. Your loosing sight of the fact that the English language is complex and the structure within is what allows we to understand each other thoroughly. Their are people out that coulda been wrongfully mistaken if they’re grammatical errors were two drastic. Whose to say what coulda happened than! But I digress, their probably isn’t much of a affect of grammar on communication these days since its a pain in the butt to remember all these damn rules. Ppl wr1te like idi0ts these days neways…

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