I like my soap like I like my guys – slender, impressionable, full of herbs and scared to death of me

Scared now?

When you’re single, people like to tell you why you’re single.

Oh, guys are just intimidated by you.

Oh, these guys just aren’t good enough for you.

Oh, you sweat like a pig, and your hair’s too greasy.

Then, for a while, you’ll try to clean up your act by doing ridiculous things like being more approachable or wearing deodorant.  Until one day you make your own soap and finally realize what you’ve been missing.  Soap is everything you’d ever want in the perfect man.  It’s clean, it smells good, it’s helpful and useful, and you can buy whichever kind is perfect for you, unless you have a recipe, in which case you can just make one on your own!  Which brings me to my next point – my homemade bar soap.

After my challenge ended on October 12, I spent two weeks staring at something sat out on the desk in my room.  It was thin and rectangular, and it looked like petrified vomit.  It was lumpy and poised just above the wooden surface of my furniture on a metal cooling rack.  It was my homemade soap.

In the interest of leveling with you, I must admit that, while I did technically cook up the bar soap before the official end of my challenge, this final product took two weeks to “set” before it could be tested (hence the cooling rack, etc.).  Piecing together a few recipes I researched on Countryfarm Lifestyles, I came up with this:

  • 2 cups castile soap, grated
  • ¼ C water
  • ¼ C oatmeal
  • 1 tbsp honey
  • 1 tea bag, Chamomile
  • Heat soap, water in a double boiler, without stirring; fold in oatmeal, honey, tea

After two weeks, you can bet I was pretty excited to try out my final and perhaps most-long-awaited product.  However, the initial attempt was rather … startling.  It started out dry and ragged.  It seemed like all my little herbal additives – the oatmeal, the chamomile – rose to the top of the bar and were the first things to greet my skin when I skimmed it over with the soap.  The smooth side was fine, but the jagged side was incredibly jagged.  The good news is, after a few washings, the roughness gave way to softness, and it felt more like a regular bar of soap with a nice herby scent.

So where does “scared to death of me” come into the equation?  This soap is flaky.  A bit of it falls apart every time you touch it, cringing at the very sight of you and crumpling at your touch, leaving tiny crumbs of herb and oat and soap flake in its path.  Sounds like terror to me.

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7 thoughts on “I like my soap like I like my guys – slender, impressionable, full of herbs and scared to death of me

  1. Maybe it is supposed to be jagged on one side and smooth on the other. Exfoliate first on the rough side, and then moisturize and cleanse on the smooth side. I would keep the recipe the way it is.

  2. Speaking as the person charged with keeping the Maid’s bathtub scrubbed and clean (not complaining you understand – as it is the “profession” I chose as J.H. once so eloquently stated) I feel compelled to share my view on the Maid’s new bar soap. Please close your eyes my dear Maid – sometimes the truth hurts. Ever since the new bar soap (which – by the way – has the appearance of congealed vomit) took up residence in her bathtub soap dish – my task – as bathtub cleaner – in – chief has risen to a new level. When I arrive on the scene in the morning to freshen up said bathroom facilities – the bathtub looks – how do I put this delicately for your readers – well it looks like someone has just completed a round of frenzied nose picking – minus the kleenex. The bathtub is filled with tiny, dark, crumbled bits of “stuff” that resembles nose bugers. To the Maid’s credit – I’m sure she rinses the tub area well after each use ( uh – yea – I’m gonna stick with that version of events ) but those pesky little bits are stubborn and sticky – just like ….. well you know. So I find myself scrubbing the tub out with Comet each and every day to get rid of the little bugers – uh – I meant buggers. And you don’t even wanna hear about the soap dish – I’ll just let you picture that one for yourselves. Suffice it to say – it ain’t pretty. I must say the Maid’s brother – who shares said bathroom with her – has – to his credit – remained curiously silent on this whole issue – I’m supposing in the interest of science??? Anyhow – just another perspective on the newest creation that our favorite Maid has cooked up. I’m sure its effectiveness as a body cleanser is great – if you can just get past its appearance and the mess it leaves in the bathtub area. Just keep your scrub brush handy. Love ya dear Maid.

    • LOL I love how Christmastime saw the “necessary” banning of homemade soap from the bathroom so things would look “nice” for the holidays. Now I know why! And I thought you just didn’t like my soap… Good thing that’s not true, because it’s in the running for your birthday present next year. It does surprise me that there are still bits in the bottom of the tub when I finish showering, considering that I’m ALWAYS conscientious to rinse the tub out THOROUGHLY, and I’ve even been known to get out the Comet AND a scrub brush for those tough-to-reach corners…and that’s no lie 🙂

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