I was a junior in college. The date was December 5, 2008. I remember it exactly as the worst moment of my life. I had gone to the gym for a short jog on the treadmill and halfway through my workout, I became aware that I was the subject of some intense whispering from the spandex-clad, make-up-wearing, sorority-joining champagne-blondes on the ellipticals. Me – in my baggy sweatpants and pitted t-shirt. I was the subject of the gossip of these ladies.
“I heard she doesn’t shave her legs at all in the wintertime,” said Yellow Polka Dot Ribbon Girl to Pink And Green Nike Shox Girl.
How dare they? What had I ever done to them? When they know full well no one shaves in the winter! I got off the treadmill and walked up to Yellow Polka Dot Ribbon Girl.
“How dare you! What have I ever done to you? When you know full well no one shaves in the winter!”
By this time a crowd had gathered. The entire men’s swim team had paused practice and was staring through the windows that separated the aquatic center from the treadmills. Yellow Polka Dot Ribbon Girl put her hands on the hips of her yoga pants and grinned.
“Those of us who want to be clean shave every day.”
That was it. I pants-ed her right there in the middle of the gym. Pink And Green Nike Shox Girl fell off her elliptical. A diver in the aquatic center missed his mark and went cannon-balling into the water.
What had I revealed? Neatly shaved legs and polka-dotted Victoria’s Secret underwears. Great. She wasn’t even bluffing.
In a rage, Yellow Polka Dot Ribbon Girl pants-ed me right back. The entire gym erupted in laughter at the virtual forest of tiny blonde hairs on my legs and the bedraggled granny pants that rose higher than my belly button. If only I’d thought of retaliation before I pants-ed her. If only…then maybe I wouldn’t have been nicknamed “Granny Pants” for the rest of my days in college.
So you’d think an event like that might change my wintertime shaving habits. Nah. I still rarely shave in the winter. But when I do, I always use Dial soap. Why not something natural? Well, it’s too expensive!
- Skintimate (7oz): $2.32
- PER OUNCE: $0.35/oz
- Aloe Vera Gel (12 oz): $3.97
- Castile Soap (16 oz): $9
- Grapeseed Oil (16 oz): $4.99
- Water: N/A
- Vitamin E Oil (1oz): $12.99
- TOTAL (45 oz): $30.95
- PER OUNCE: $0.69/oz
Of course, leave out the Vitamin E Oil and you lower your cost to $0.41/oz. Much more palatable. I consider the Vitamin E Oil an optional ingredient in shaving cream anyway, because you can get the benefits just as easily through a nice homemade lotion. So, long story short, the moral here is: leave out the VE Oil or put it back in…just don’t forget to shave before you go to the gym.