For years I’ve been trying to piece together exactly how someone as awesome as I am could remain dateless for the better part of some 25 years. I’ve just got so much going for me. After all, how many people can boast a successful 6-month stint of no deo? (Ok, “successful” is a relative term.)
People kept telling me, “It’s your face, it’s your face. You have to do something with your face!”
What’s with my face? What do I have to do? What could my face have to do with getting dates? I just couldn’t see a connection.
Until Mother Nature punched me in the eye. Now I see it beautifully. Well, maybe “beautifully” was the wrong word there…because there is nothing beautiful about what I find in my morning mirror.
What I’ve learned from a good fistfight with Mother Nature is that a nice black eye beats a bare eye any day of the week. After all, a purple bruise may be unsightly, but at least it covers up some of those things that you don’t have going for you.
So what does Mother Nature have to offer in the way of eye makeup? Well, blueberries, obviously! Dip a Q-Tip into the melted juice of a frozen blueberry, dust it with some cornstarch, rub it into your skin, and you’ve got a Grade A purple bruisy-looking eye. Ok, so you’re not into the penalty box look? I’m not either; it’s just that the blueberry is all I had on hand. The real point of the experiment is that blueberry juice stains skin! I first got the idea for frozen fruit makeup from “Easy to be Raw,” and it seems the possibilities are endless. Blueberry might make you look like you’ve had a run-in with the wrong side of a baseball bat, but imagine strawberry or raspberry.
If you’re looking for more earthy tones (as if anything could be more earthy than fruit…), turn to cocoa powder. Remember how MNM tackled homemade foundation? The same principles apply to eye shadow. Pick the shade you want – it can be anything cocoa powder and lighter (if you want darker than cocoa powder, you might try activated charcoal). Just mix the cocoa powder with corn starch until you reach your desired shade, and then apply with a Q-Tip. Spirulina is also touted by hippie bloggers as a natural powder that will produce green shades, if that’s more your style.
Luckily, I don’t use eye shadow every day, because the whole frozen berry rolled in corn starch routine would probably add another 20 minutes to my chemical-based 5-minute-face look. But trust me, these natural methods will cover up whatever facial oddities are ailing you. Of course, if all you need is some cover up, you could always try my natural concealer, because that’s been oh so successful. Or, on second thought, you might be better off just getting punched in the face.