This is my routine. Don’t mess with my routine.

Well, several more weeks have gone by, and I still look like a bandit.  Not for a lack of trying.  Oh, how I’ve tried!  I’ve tried tirelessly to ditch this look, but it simply won’t be ditched.

For about the past month, I’ve been trying to find a natural remedy to cure dark undereye circles.  I’m not going to lie – this is a severe problem for me.  It’s the only thing – besides excessive perspiration, oily hair, dry hair, bad hair, blowing my nose in public, eating in public, and Sasquatch legs – that I feel self-conscious about.  I’ve had them my whole life, or at least as long as I can remember.  By the time I was 10 years old, I looked like a hardened drug addict.

As I got older, I began experimenting with cover-up and eventually developed the monstrosity of a regimen that I follow today.  Rather than take up the rest of your day, let’s just say it involves powder foundation, two liquid cover-ups (in varying shades of pale), and two varieties (eggshell and champagne) of eye shadow.  Being obsessive can get kindof exhausting.

After trying a natural lemon-juice lightener, which failed, my next try took me to green tea bags.  The idea is to apply cooled, caffeinated green tea bags to your eyes twice a day for 15-minute intervals.  Not being much of a morning person, I applied twice at night.  This became particularly fun when I was trying to watch TV in the evenings.  Imagine me sitting on the couch with my head flung back and two tea bags over my eyes, while Carrie narrated every moment of the Lifetime original movie “A Sister’s Nightmare.”  Actually, you probably don’t have to imagine…I think Carrie has pictures of that.  

The exciting part was that the tea bags actually worked…initially.  I recorded noticeable differences directly after treatment – reduced circles and brighter eyes.  The results, however, faded; when I treated at night, my circles were back by morning.

I suppose it could be an effective treatment if used first thing in the morning but, you see, I have no time for this.  I’m far too busy applying powder foundation and liquid cover-up and eggshell eye shadow to meddle with eradicating dark circles.  You can’t mess with my undereye routine; you just can’t.

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5 thoughts on “This is my routine. Don’t mess with my routine.

  1. Please accept my apology. Your undereye dark circles are an unfortunate gift from me via heredity. As you know – I too suffer from this “debilitating condition” and have since I was young . To be honest it has always been a “struggle” and I have yet to come up with anything that eradicates them – so I just lather on the cover stick and go with it. Luckily – as you get older and less encumbered by appearance – they fall into their proper place on your list of priorities and you barely think of them . By that time – you have bigger fish to fry – believe me. Did I ever tell you that a 4 year old that I was babysitting in my much younger days once asked me why I had brown under my eyes? Outa the mouths of babes as they say. Anyhow – don’t you fret over those little circles – take it from me – you won’t win that war – so don’t waste your time. They really aren’t worth the effort.

  2. I have been anxiously awaiting the outcome of your trial! Although I am ashamed to admit this, I stopped after 2 weeks – one week of blurred coconut vision and 1 week of the green tea bags without results was enough! You lasted much longer than I did so congrats to you on your perseverance! I experienced the same temporary results with the tea bags. I guess we are forced back to the time consuming utilization of commercial products!
    I applaud you for your attempts and look forward to whatever MNM”s next “clinical” trial includes.

  3. Maybe get some sleep once in a while, haha? Seriously, tho, there might be something out there that will help …….. you just haven’t found it yet. Keep searching.

  4. Although heredity can play a part, dehydration is the biggest cause of these. Alcohol and coffee can make it worse because they also cause dehydration.

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