I keep a gold medal in the shower

Let’s assume there are commentators in my kitchen.  Three of them sitting at my kitchen table.  One of them knows nothing but has a killer broadcast voice, another is too perky and qualifies everything with “you bet,” and the final one makes me out to be totally inept in the kitchen (and happens to be a ruthless realist).  And let’s assume that these commentators call my homemade soap-making like Olympic gymnastics.

This is what my kitchen would have sounded like the first time I tried to make bodywash:

#1: She’s looking great out there, isn’t she guys?

#2: You bet!  She is not looking confident grating that soap, and that glycerin spill will cost her a tenth of a point.

#3: Well this recipe has a level of difficulty of just 15.25.  Just three ingredients?  I guess that’s all MNM can handle.  She’s adding glycerin, but it can’t save this soap.

#2: You bet!  My guess is she’s overcompensating for the initial wateriness of her bodwash, but she’s going the way of dog slobber here.

#1: I think it looks great!

Last night, when I tried a new recipe, it sounded like this:

#1: Am I seeing things or is this a whole new MNM out there?  Seriously – someone’s cooking for her – is this allowed?

#3: No one’s cooking for her, and you should go back to elementary school for a good year.

#2: You bet!  All we can say is – she looks great out there!  Measuring those ingredients with a sharp eye and pouring with a steady hand.  Just look how she’s handling that Guar Gum!

#3: She is looking sharp, but she could screw it up here by missing the “immediately” in Step 4.  Let’s keep in mind all those past failures she’s had.

#2: She’ll get a medal this time – you bet!

I did get a medal – a gold medal.  A pearly liquid-gold medal, and it’s sitting in my shower in a recycled Dr. Bronner’s container.  Seriously, people – I won this time.  I love this bodywash.  I slightly tweaked a recipe from Little Seed Farm to get this:

  • 1 Tbs steel cut oats
  • 1 tea bag (I used Chamomile)
  • 1 c. distilled water
  • 10 drops lavender or tea tree essential oil
  • 1 Tbs coconut oil
  • 1tbsp grapeseed oil
  • 1 Tbsp honey
  • 1-1/4c liquid castile soap (I used Dr Bronner’s)
  • 1/4c aloe vera gel
  • 1 tsp guar gum

Sometimes I miss the dog slobber, and maybe I’ll go back one day…if I can make it in gold.

You never give me your soap

Houston: We have thickening.

Yesterday, I told you about my troubles with soap soup, my little liquid bodywash recipe that yielded a right foamy concoction that had the consistency of … bottled water (read about it HERE).  Even though the mixture was thinner than a rice cracker, it worked quite swimmingly as a nice hand soap, but things didn’t go as well in the bathtub.  I had read that the soap can double as a bodywash, so I poured some on my washcloth and prepared to go to work.

Shocker – it failed.  It was like scrubbing with a Brillo pad – no smooth foam, no soap suds, just the harsh texture of water and washcloth.  Naturally, I continued dumping more of my soup on the washcloth to create some semblance of soap (because if this recipe is anything like my BS shampoo, more will absolutely work…).  In the end, I managed to create a few suds and a nice-smelling cleanse.  Plus, I’m sure the skin on my arms will grow back.

I have read on Savvy Housekeeping that the consistency of your soap mixture can really depend on the kind of bar soap you use in the first place.  At first, I assumed it must be the Dr. Bronner’s, and I had full intentions of remaking the entire concoction yesterday evening with double the bar soap and double the glycerin.  However, believe it or not, I came home from work yesterday to find a (somewhat) thickened homemade liquid soap.

But you can never be too sure, so I added a bit more soap and a bit more glycerin.

  • ¾ C bar soap (about half a bar); grated
  • 5 cups water
  • 1.5 tbsp glycerin

This new recipe is currently cooling on the stove, but I’m hoping it will turn into soap rather than soup this time.  Of course, if I was hoping for soap, perhaps I should have avoided the stove.